Thursday, February 25, 2010

Baby Room

Having a baby requires many things. Things take time and cost money. For the skeptics I will alert you now that it is still worth it. The Lowe's very kindly have offered us a spare room to use for the baby. This is a great privilege considering I expected to just have the baby in our room with us. To be honest we were planning on letting the baby just "crash" on the floor or couch but we've found ourselves on the wrong side of child services as of late so we decided to give him his own room.

About a week ago the room for the baby looked very similar to a storage facility and it needed some cleaning, organizing and painting. The paint was a dark blue, I've been told periwinkle but having no idea what a periwinkle is nor why it is important enough to lay claim on a color, I'll just call it a dark blue. The new color was a very light blue. For those of you who have not done this I'm telling you now; if a room is a dark color, just leave it that way. Its the way nature intended things to be. Eventually the room was painted, furniture was set up, the crib was made and the room was ready. We will need to hang the paintings you see in the pictures eventually but other than that it is done.

Oooo and Ahhh all you like, it is free.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Baby Blanket

It is written in law somewhere that all babies must have a Baby Blanket. No, not just blankets for the baby to use, I mean a Baby Blanket. There is some mystical difference that only the baby and certain others can perceive but it is through this blanket that the baby will learn and grow much as Superman learned while in his rocket shooting towards Earth. So Annie and I drew up plans (yes I was loosely involved in the planning and no I do not figure skate)and purchased the materials to create the Baby Blanket. Annie did an awesome job and I know the baby will always be comforted and well taken care of in his blanket. Its the kind of blanket only the best Mom could make. This is the sort of blanket that will ward off the most persistent ghosts and the vilest of monsters while he sleeps and feed him with extra-human confidence and competence as he grows, cause that's what Baby Blankets are for.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Zombie Possum Smelly House

Have you ever smelled a really bad smell in section of your house and then had the smell get worse and worse every day until you realized that a dead animal has died under your house?

Well this was something that happened to my parents recently. But that is not the worst of the scenario. The worst part is what comes next.....zombie possum. Realizing there is a dead animal is only the second stage in this terrible process. The third and final stage is locating the HVT and extraction. Marcus decided that the nauseating smell of bodies returning to the Great Circle of Life was more than what should be considered acceptable for modern living and thought it was time to find the Thing and remove it. I happened to be at my parents house at the time and thought I'd help.

the trap door leading under our house is in my Mom's closet so we began the work. After hours of pain filled and disturbing work we had all of the shoes cleared out and were able to access the "basement". The basement of our parents house is somewhat post-modern and forward thinking. By that I mean that when it was built the architect new how important it was to build something large enough for animals to die in but small enough to make a human extremely uncomfortable in.

One had to drop into the hole in the closet and then sit with your body in the crawl space keeping your head and shoulders still in the closet. From there we had to scoot forward until we were laying on our backs. From there you roll onto your stomach and free to roam about under the house as long as you stayed flat. At first we saw nothing and hoped that maybe the smell was just something clogged in the sewage pipes, as this would have been preferable. But then,.....then my flash light stumbled upon it. I had to hold there as my light seemed to fight for control struggling to turn its gaze away from what it illuminated. A dead possum lay there and I suddenly felt my skin begin to crawl as if abandoning this ridiculous quest and the rest of my body, content to wait for me in the house while I finish this unholy labor.

I have seen dead things before but this was somehow different. I was trapped on my stomach and if the possum turned out to be a zombie I would not be able to escape. Maybe it was the animal's natural disposition to play dead that left me mistrusting its current state...or maybe it was the fact that it was a zombie possum. Eventually Marcus and I got close enough to lay out a tarp in front of it. Our next move was to shovel it onto the tarp then wrap it up and drag it out. This was accomplished but not without difficulty. The closer we got the more violent the creature's scent was and the more tense I grew, ready to hack it in the brain (the only real way to kill a zombie). As close as we were, it was difficult to work and simultaneously fight the urge to maintain the contents of our stomachs precisely where they were

We used a shovel to force the carcass onto the tarp and finally, amidst grunts ocassioned with screams of disgust. We disposed of the body and though we were never bitten nor attacked by the animal there is a large part of that still believes it was a zombie possum. Something about that possum just wasn't right.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Baby Green

Hello blog readers. I would like to introduce you to my child. Right now his name is 30 but next week his name will be 31. I realize it is difficult to sympathize and understand something or in this case someone who you do not know. To help you with this problem I will post some pictures of our baby. I warn you are also seeing Annie's insides.

In this picture you will see 30's diversity as he is just sitting there. A complex statement about his multi-faceted persona; sometimes he moves, sometimes though...he just sits.

This picture has me slightly worried. You can clearly see that he has his hand to his mouth as if smoking a cigarette. Not only is he only 30 weeks old and smoking but where did he get that cigarette.

Finally, volumes are spoken by our son here as demonstrates the fact that he is actually Skeletor. I fear for the day when he finally meets He-Man.