Saturday, May 8, 2010
The most important thing I have learned about being a parent is that it is often more like being on suicide watch. Infants try to kill themselves, constantly. I'm not sure what it is about human programming that makes an early life desire so badly to end itself but it gets tiring being so vigilantly protective. If Annie and I were not constantly, better said, actively stopping Nathaniel from trying to kill himself I'm sure he would have accomplished this task weeks ago.
Sometimes it's as simple as suicide by omission. Nathaniel has trouble sleeping. He doesn't want to sleep during the day. He either wants to die from exhaustion or I should stop putting Mountain Dew in his milk. That doesn't sound so troublesome but then when we try to feed him he goes out like a light, a light being turned off of course. We have yet to determine whether or not he is fake sleeping or just patiently waiting for us to give up on feeding him. Why would he do this? Why would he try to deprive himself of sleep and then fall dead asleep when he needs to eat, depriving himself of food?
One the more aggressive ways babies to try to terminate their existence here is with their bare hands. Frequently Nate tries to claw his face off. If we are not ever vigilant, constantly pulling his hands away from his face then he begins to dig in.
Why? Why do babies want to die so bad? Is the womb that great? That is the only rational reason I can think of for this self destructive behavior. Maybe the whole world would be a happier place if every one had a little more womb in their life.
In an attempt to make him find this life worth living I have begun a process of bonding with him. Piggy back rides, matching outfits, the whole thing.