Sunday, October 12, 2008

Saving the world..losing a soul

As of two weeks ago Utah was rebelliously ignorant to the fact that it was October and time for Fall. Annie and I thought of what we could do to convince Utah that it needed to get on board. We performed a ritual of ancient Druids and some Native American dances but Fall still would not come. Eventually we decided that if we did not do something soon Fall would never come, and then winter would be missing and the polar ice caps would melt. Like a burst dam ice water would flow into the Atlantic and freeze the warm currents flowing from the south. This would then cause more ice to form in the oceans and reflect even more sun light back into space creating more glaciers and eventually another Ice Age. With the survival of the world now on our shoulders we thought we could trick fall to come with guile.


We decided to create Halloween decorations and fool Utah into thinking it was Fall. To do this we knew we would have to create something diabolically Halloween so Utah could not see through our clever ruse. Annie and I, soaked in our creativity, poured all we could into creating the Halloween wreath. It is a wreath of skulls, chains and hate. Its center is a gaping maw that silently screams with the forbidden curses of the lost kingdoms of the world. It was created with death and chain and a trip to Michaels. But to give it life it required a soul…my soul. How my soul was given you may ask, and it is a simple answer. I went to Michaels and helped pick out items to decorate our home, half way through I knew my soul was given to this creation. I found myself uncertain in this world of crafts and projects. I saw other couples with the wife leading a decorative hunt and the husband in a dejected following position. Upon passing a couple the man stopped and noticed that I was not following but at times leading our particular hunt for crafts. Embarrassed I then told him that I was only there to beat up the girls coming out of the cake making class so I could feast upon their new creations. Clever. In the end we brought home all of the nefarious components needed to create the wreath and Fall/Winter has finally arrived here in Utah. So when the world does not fall apart remember that I went to Michaels, I picked out “cute” things and I sold my soul to create the relentlessly evil wreath that has invited the seasons back to Utah.

7 comments:

Jenny said...

In 3 1/2 years, I have never been more proud to be your sister-in-law!

Lee said...

did you get cake?

Heidi Ashworth said...

Ah, Scotty, yo the man! Back when I was doing my very own craft show (yeah, just me, by myself--what was I thinking?) Michael was two. He got so when I pulled him out of the car in front of Michael's, he would take one look at his name and go into instant tantrum. He has had enough of that place to last a lifetime. All I can say is it's a good thing your mom isn't too crafty.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Umm, is that Lee? As in, your dad? As in, he has comment capability? As in, he now has a chance to outwit Uncle Reed thru witty ripostes on my blog? I think he had better get right on that.

Kirsten said...

Scotty, I love your blog. I can't remember how I came across it though. This is a blog totally worth reading. As for your reference, I've been meaning to try a book by Lovecraft. Can you recommend a book for me? Don't make it too freaky.

Lee said...

no, Sorry Heidi. It's the clever, talented and strikingly good looking green child

Captain Planet said...

Lovecraft's stuff is split into 3 categories, macabre stories, dream cycle and his Cthulhu mythos. They are all different styles. It just depends on what you want but a good starter is a book called "Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the macabre". It is kind of a sampler of all the categories.