Wednesday, October 29, 2008

In The Land of Disney

As we ventured through California Adventure Annie and I could not escape the call of Disneyland like a sailor drawn to the shores of a siren’s island. Disillusioned we stumbled from the park and found before us the gates of Disneyland gleaming like beacons for the wanderer. Atop the entryway sat pumpkins shaped like our favorite Disney characters. Goofy sat above the door with his tongue rolled out of his mouth like a red carpet inviting us to a day of child-like pleasures. Our first order of business was to get a Fast Pass to Space Mountain.

Until this year I had never heard about this Fast Pass, but know this, it is a gift from Heaven. Apparently a Fast Pass is a ticket you can get that makes you better than other people. You get the ticket and when it is your time you are able to skip nearly to the front of the line. The Fast Pass gives you the ability, nay, the right to mock those that have been deemed lesser, the stand-by, by the Fast Pass gods. With the Pass in our hands we then made our way to Pirates of the Caribbean. There were so many families with young children that it really wore Annie’s arms out shoving them over to secure our quick passage through the throngs.

We spent countless hours dipping into the thrills of Disneyland. Exactly seven hours later we found ourselves at a crossroad. Annie and I were both exhausted. Annie was tired from walking all day and pushing children and my right leg was aching from a nasty fall I took off the Haunted Mansion. Both bone weary from the day we sat down to decide if we should stay for the fireworks. It was now around 7:30 and the fireworks were scheduled for 9:30 and we really wanted to see them but at the same time we also left the park making it impossible to watch them.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Worm Holes, The Force and Dinseyland

California Adventure

Over the next few blog entries we will attempt to relate the stories of our most recent trip to Disneyland. Annie and I drove all the way down to Orange County last Wednesday for the purpose of vacationing in Disneyland for two days. And when I say “all the way down” I really mean we descended into a nightmare of freeway and exhaustion. Somewhere on our drive down I-15 we slipped into a sort of reverse worm hole. Time and space itself either sped up and consequently slowed us down or time and space slowed down dragging us with it. I’m not sure how it works but I do know we spent roughly 37 hours in the car, which is unusually long for a 9 hour trip. However, just before sanity cracked we finally arrived at the Lowe family house.

Annie being afraid she is next.....she was

Upon awaking the next day we found a small blue bird singing outside our window. Pleased by this little fellow and the cheer it brought us we thought it would be great to keep that cheeriness with us throughout the day, so we cooked it and ate it for breakfast. Off to Disneyland we went. Now, Annie and I love Disneyland. It is such a wonderfully separate place from the world. We parked in the Timon parking lot and took the odd little shuttle to the park. Our shuttle arrived there faster than it normally would have due to the $10 I slipped the driver. With our stomachs full of cheeriness and our travel quickened we stepped off the shuttle to the Star Wars theme blasting through hidden speakers. I immediately began to feel my body tingle with the force.

While thusly tingling we purchased our tickets and began our excursion by entering California Adventure. Annie and I had never been in this park and the secrets and delights held within tickled our collective fancy. We entered the park excited and ready….oh how misguided we were. California Adventure is….lacking and there was some disappointment. But we’d spent so much money on it and we love Disney so we had to find something cool about it. Sort of like when you make fun of someone and then your friend says that they are dating that person so then you have to find some cool things about them but really that person is just pretty lame, it was like that. We mostly wandered aimlessly looking for the oasis of fun rarely offered in that park. In short the park has potential it just needs about $1 billion and 4 years.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Wreath

Saving the world..losing a soul

As of two weeks ago Utah was rebelliously ignorant to the fact that it was October and time for Fall. Annie and I thought of what we could do to convince Utah that it needed to get on board. We performed a ritual of ancient Druids and some Native American dances but Fall still would not come. Eventually we decided that if we did not do something soon Fall would never come, and then winter would be missing and the polar ice caps would melt. Like a burst dam ice water would flow into the Atlantic and freeze the warm currents flowing from the south. This would then cause more ice to form in the oceans and reflect even more sun light back into space creating more glaciers and eventually another Ice Age. With the survival of the world now on our shoulders we thought we could trick fall to come with guile.

We decided to create Halloween decorations and fool Utah into thinking it was Fall. To do this we knew we would have to create something diabolically Halloween so Utah could not see through our clever ruse. Annie and I, soaked in our creativity, poured all we could into creating the Halloween wreath. It is a wreath of skulls, chains and hate. Its center is a gaping maw that silently screams with the forbidden curses of the lost kingdoms of the world. It was created with death and chain and a trip to Michaels. But to give it life it required a soul…my soul. How my soul was given you may ask, and it is a simple answer. I went to Michaels and helped pick out items to decorate our home, half way through I knew my soul was given to this creation. I found myself uncertain in this world of crafts and projects. I saw other couples with the wife leading a decorative hunt and the husband in a dejected following position. Upon passing a couple the man stopped and noticed that I was not following but at times leading our particular hunt for crafts. Embarrassed I then told him that I was only there to beat up the girls coming out of the cake making class so I could feast upon their new creations. Clever. In the end we brought home all of the nefarious components needed to create the wreath and Fall/Winter has finally arrived here in Utah. So when the world does not fall apart remember that I went to Michaels, I picked out “cute” things and I sold my soul to create the relentlessly evil wreath that has invited the seasons back to Utah.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Who Does this Fly Think He IS

It is quite unsettling to find something that finds itself (or thinks itself) above its station. This is the very situation with our friend the fly that has taken residence in our home. It has often been left to animals to torment men and woman for their regrets and misdeeds as well as represent their basic fears and defeats. However, there are certain animals that are gifted with these responsibilities and the fly is not one of them. It is a great offense that this fly thinks itself above its place in the world and torments when in reality it has not the right. For example, it would be utterly silly to name Poe's work the "Conqueror Worm" the Conqueror Fly. And I certainly know of no fly that could instill in me such a dread as a raven could upon uttering "Nevermore". In short this fly in our home is made grotesquely annoying with its arrogant attitude assuming the roll of an animal far more dreadful and supreme in its torment of mankind. Following is a list of animals that with perfect honesty can torment man:

The Raven (nevermore)
The Worm (That the play is the tragedy,"Man", and the hero the Conqueror Worm)
The Snake (they are creepy)
The Turtle (but only in New Mexico)
The Pig-Monkey (not traditional but those things are freaky)
Cthulhu (Half squid half space god, brownie points for anyone who gets this one)