Annie began having contractions on Friday. The kind that make you go Hmm. We knew about false labor and how often people are sent home from the hospital from contractions that were not actually labor. We were determined not to have this happen. The universe was determined to annoy us.
Our doctor told us that if the contractions were about a minute long each, five minutes apart and if this lasted for at least an hour, then it was labor. I pulled out my clipboard and we checked off all of the symptoms.
5 minutes apart......check
1 minute long each...check
lasting for an hour..Check
Still, even though Annie was going through this for about 3 hours we suspected it wasn't labor but since I never received my honorary medical degree from Phoenix University we decided to call the doctor. The doctor said she was in active labor and needed to go to the hospital.
Once there and hooked up to various machines another doctor told us that while the contractions met all the requirements we did not meet the final mysterious 5th requirement. The contractions must be so painful that you cannot walk or talk through them. Why was this last requirement not given to us by the first doctor? Because it is the mystery requirement that you must pay $500 in hospital fees to learn. We were sent home.
I was content to wait weeks for the baby to come, but now blood is in the water and we are like frenzied sharks after having a taste of being so close.
To ease the pain I have put up this funny video of my niece and her catlike window cleaning service.